By Ben Werner
Playing fantasy football is a lot like having another girlfriend, only you don’t get laid — however it is fun, in the sense of “having an interest in San Francisco’s running back position” is cool! You know what’s not fun. Playing fantasy football in your mom’s basement or the library or prison or vegetarian joints or Starbucks. Even though, it might be free Wi-Fi, here is why drafting in these types of places isn’t fun.
Your Mom’s Basement
1.) This location might be perfect, or it might be terrible. It really depends on your mother. Even if your mom has the best direct TV sports package if she hates football, you and your friends are going to have a rough time. There is also the question of alcohol consumption. Does your mom drink? Should she? This can also go wrong in a variety of ways that are best kept to your imagination.
The Library
2.) Libraries are useful for many things like research, reading and getting out of the rain. They aren’t, however, the best places to throw a party. If you have been to the library lately, you should have noticed free Wi-Fi is usually and always available. Maybe this is what sparked the bad idea in the first place. The Internet is certainly useful for looking up stats and staying abreast of injuries. There are better places to access it then the library, however.
Another issue is that talking is discouraged in the library. A fantasy draft without verbal abuse isn’t worth having, so avoid any location where yelling is frowned upon.
Starbucks
3.) A sports blogger for The New York Times, Jonathan Bales, recommended that the top fantasy football owners use a minimax approach to selecting players. This involves choosing players who will lose the least amount of points, instead of choosing based on how many points you think a player will win.
Can you imagine using this levelheaded strategy while you and your fellow owners are hopped up on triple espressos? Owners need to consume while drafting. Usually this involves beer and party food. If nothing is available but coffee and scones, problems are imminent. And the guy who always talks too much to begin with, well… he doesn’t need any more encouragement.
Prison
4.) While it’s unlikely that many people will have the opportunity to host a draft in prison, the complications from such an event are worth noting. People in prison like football as well, and may imagine starting their own draft someday. Also, you may be headed to prison yourself, in which case you should consider your draft carefully.
When people begin expressing their opinions about sports, sometimes tempers flair. This can be a problem at the local bar. In prison, however, it can be disastrous. Cafeteria trays become weapons and shanks come out, and all of the sudden, the draft is forgotten!
Vegetarian Restaurants
5.) If you and your friends avoid meat, this location may be ideal. But if you draft with the average football fans, tofu wings and hummus might lead to complaints, and maybe even outright rebellion. Drafts involve food, and football fans in general are a carnivorous bunch. Ignore these primal urges at your peril.
Choose Wisely
AskMen recommended that you prepare as much as possible before a draft by gathering all relevant information. Proper preparation involves more than just gathering stats. It means making certain that the location of your draft is just right. Where you’re hosting, can make the experience memorable. Whether the memory is a good one or bad one, though, it’s up to you.
Ben Werner:
Ben is excited about his new career as a sports writer and consumer reviewer.
Photo by Flickr user Chimpanz APe
